Competition. I love them! Well, actualy, I love to win competitions. And usually only when I’m playing Catchphrase or Scattergories or trying to rescue Princess Peach from Bowser. Not winning feels unacceptable to me. I don’t win a lot, like in Words with Friends, so I have learned that childhood lesson. Now I have to apply it to my next big adventure. Drum roll, please.
I will be doing a triathlon. I don’t know when, and I don’t know where, but the why is easy.
I have not changed almost everything about myself to start going backwards. In my former Nichol incarnation, I did not do things that I wanted to do because they scared me. They scared me because they were too hard, or there would be a lot of people there and they may laugh at me. I’d probably wear the wrong thing or I’d be too fat or I was too ugly (please! Have you seen me? joke!) or say something stupid (note to people who don’t know me: I say stupid things all the time) or I’ll fall down (note to people who don’t know me – I fall down/trip all the time).
I rarely accepted invitations to go out with people I didn’t know and I NEVER did anything that would require me to possibly look/feel foolish. I did not like to deviate from the norm out of fear that I would look – gasp – the opposite of totally awesome, therefore, less than perfect in society’s.
I have been doing things this year that make me nervous (trying new foods) or scare me (accepting social invitations from people who are not my usual social people) or make me look foolish (yoga, running, ZUMBA). I have gone from a zero to maybe a 5.98 on the confidence scale (out of 10) and a zero to a 8.756 on the happiness scale (out of 10). I am a 9.5 on the adventure scale. I will jump out of a plane, but I will not climb Mt. Everest.
I have talked about doing a tri, seriously considered a tri, and am now going to do a tri. I’m going to apply my childhood lesson and remind myself that it’s not about winning. It’s how you play the game. I wouldn’t have played this game one year and 70lbs ago. For me, it’s that I’m even going to play this game at all.